5 Steps: When The Marriage Gets Cold

I’m guilty of initiating a divorce whenever my husband upsets me. I know I’m not right but it feels good to fire back ( its not healthy). Every marriage has it ups and downs but, do you ever feel like the downs are winning and its hard to look up?

1. Think before you speak

Now, I have to practice what I preach on this topic! have you ever spoke from anger and regretted it in the end? Words tend to stick with people no matter how many times you’ve made up. It’ll linger like an odor and just  sit sour until its addressed. Many marriages fail because COMMUNICATION is not at its best, I say keep GOD as close as he can be in your marriage. Say a prayer in your mind before you respond or just pray at night over you and your spouses communication skills.

Lord, help me speak how I feel, but, also help me take my partners feelings in consideration before I speak.

2. Ears are meant for listening

Someone of us use our ears for responding and not listening, guilty! ( on some occasions ) if your partner has concerns and wants to talk then we have to be attentive and be open to hearing the message. We have to get quiet and really see how they feel and vice versa. Never let them speak and you cut them off to “defend yourself” or try to “stand you ground”  remember the key to communication is listening! Let’s say this prayer

Lord, help my ears be open to my partners concerns, help me be quick to listen and slow to speak.

3. Address all problems before bed

Never go to bed angry no matter how bad the problem is, the last thing you want to do is wake up from yesterdays problem starting your day in a bad mood. Not to mention you probably won’t be able to get a good nights sleep if you keep thinking of what you want to say or what you could’ve said. Be open, Be honest, and Behave in a way that won’t stir up strife. Let’s say this prayer

Lord, Keep my heart still from anger towards my spouse and my family, Keep peace in my home at all times, help me and my spouse overcome any obstacles the enemy may throw our way.

4. Speak with love at all times

These two sentences can mean two different things if said from love or anger

  1. Do you need me to fix dinner tonight or can you heat something up? (love)
  2. Do you need me to fix dinner tonight! or can you heat something up?! (anger)

If you feel that your message is not getting across to your partner and you feel so angered and this time you are going to get your point across! DON’T! be slow to speak, re-evaluate! before you speak nothing is more dreading than starting an argument when it can be avoided. Address all concerns and frustrations with love. I know that it is hard for some trust me! I know! neither is perfect but we have to change our approach if we want our marriages to last and stay strong. Let’s say a prayer

Lord, help me speak with love, help love come through my conversations,  my actions, my heart, help my love over flow onto my spouse.

5. If it’s right, then fight!

Some of us just have problems that can be fixed while some have problems that are to much for our souls to handle and that is perfectly fine. If you gave all you got and nothing has changed then call it quits and be at peace with that, But, if you still have love for your spouse like the first time you laid eyes on each other and you just want to be heard or your spouse wants to be heard then, FIGHT!! yes! I’m saying FIGHT!!! Fight with:

  1. prayer
  2. communication
  3. affection
  4. love
  5. reasoning

cry together! pray together! let God know that you are here and you want him to cover your hearts and be there! the enemy cant win when GOD is within!

Marriages are meant to be cherished and valued

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Modern English Version (MEV)

Love suffers long and is kind; love envies not; love flaunts not itself and is not puffed up, does not behave itself improperly, seeks not its own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.


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